Emotional Exhaustion

We're back. This week has been the most emotionally exhausting week I think I've ever experienced. The highs were very high and the lows were very low. We were separated from our son to meet our daughter whom we spent 5 amazing days with only then to say goodbye for who knows how long.

A week ago today we left Ian in the care of our friends and family while we traveled to Guatemala to visit our new daughter. He was very upset when we left him and I have to admit I momentarily wanted to postpone the trip so he could come along. It was very difficult to see him so sad, it was the first time we have left him for an extended time, let alone to leave the country! None the less, I think it was for the best. Ian would have undoubtedly been bored most of the time. I admittedly spent a great deal of time just staring in wonder at Ana's sweet little face, trying to soak up as much of her as I could knowing we only had a short time together. I'm pretty sure I was in denial about having to give her back until the very last moment when I handed her back to the director of the hogar. It was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. I know she is well cared for there, but I'm sure she doesn't get the amount of attention and interaction we would be giving her, they just have so many children to care for. I remember one moment during our stay when I was singing to her. She just stared into my eyes and smiled. I think it was then that it hit me, she probably doesn't get that in the hogar. Sure, they feed her, bathe her and diaper her, but all these things I was able to provide for Ian at her age, the cuddling, the singing, the kisses, I can't give her. I had 5 days, 5 glorious days, yet still only 5 days to show her how much she is loved. And though I know at the age of 3 months she will never remember our time together, I am forever grateful for it. I can't wait until the day she is in our arms forever. I have left a piece of my heart in Guatemala, and I won't be complete until she comes home.