Please excuse my funk...

It's been an up and down week here.

The downs:

1. Ian saw the dentist on Monday morning because he had what I thought was a canker sore on his gum that didn't seem to want to go away (by the way Michelle O, thanks so much for your consult on Sunday evening, I appreciate you taking time out of your evening for us more than you know). Turns out it's an abscessed tooth. My six year old has a bad tooth. I was shocked, mortified, but mostly laden with guilt. I don't even know why I'm telling you all this, I'm feeling so badly about it. Maybe that's why, I just need to get it off my chest. When I was little, I had extensive dental problems, and apparently the poor child inherited my genes in this department. Of all the things he took from his dad, he couldn't take the good teeth gene (and not the excessively loud gene, the hates all vegetables gene, or the finds it hard to be serious gene)? Geesh!! Anyways, he's had several fillings in the past year. One of those fillings was pretty deep and has apparently become abscessed. Man, we brush twice a day, with fluoride toothpaste, we fluoride rinse, and get dental cleanings every six months. The flossing, we could be more consistent with, which I think is why I'm feeling so guilty, there IS that one something that we could have done better. I just feel like such failure of a mother today. Anyways, we're off to the pediatric dentist in the morning to figure out what needs to be done.

2. The Guatemalan Congress passed the Ortega Adoption Law yesterday. Now granted, this could be listed as an up as it is looking as though cases started prior to December 31st will be allowed to be finished under current laws. However, I am so boggled by the many unanswered questions involving this issue that I am just left frustrated and confused. They say we'll be able to finish our adoptions, but at the same time, all cases in process (oh and there is still question as to what will be considered "in process") prior to December 31st will need to be registered with the Central Authority by January 30th, 2008 (what this will entail has also not yet been explained). Mind you, this Central Authority doesn't yet exist. The organizations that make up this authority apparently have two weeks to appoint their members and 60 days to get it up and running. Correct me if I'm wrong, but 60 days pushes us into February. How are we supposed to register by January 30th with an organization that may not exist until February? And does that mean that we will then not qualify to finish under current law? My brain hurts...

3. The adoption waiting game is really getting to me. I belong to a couple yahoo groups and forums and have been watching people get out of PGN. Most seem like they are right around the 8-10 week mark. There are the random few that get out in 2 or 3 weeks though and those are tough to see. Don't get me wrong, I am thrilled for the people that get them, but it just shows how very unpredictable this process is. We've been in PGN for 5 weeks now, providing we don't get a previo, we have quite possibly passed the half way mark, but it seems like an eternity is still ahead of us. I feel like our whole course of infertility was a lesson in patience and the understanding that things don't always go as you plan them. That there is a plan set out for us that we don't have control over. There are times when I think, "Okay, I get it already! Enough is enough!" But then, I understand obviously that there is still more to learn. I need to just have faith that things will work the way they are supposed to. Some days are so much harder than others though...

Let's talk about the ups, shall we?

1. Greg's older brother Eddie flew in on Monday night from Alaska for the first time in over a year. And he arrived just in time to attend Ian's first ever Christmas concert (I'll be posting video of that soon). Ian was so excited to see him and has been so happy to spend time with his uncle. We are so lucky he was able to be home around the holidays. It means so much to have him here!

2. Speaking of PGN again, I called on Monday and was told that we were still on the second reviewers desk. This news actually makes me very happy as it means that we have not received a previo and are still in PGN. Of course I'd rather be out, but I wasn't expecting that news anyways. Like I said before, we are currently 5 weeks in, hopefully only a few weeks more to go!

It's bugging me that there are more downs than ups, but it is what it is. I really am a glass half full kind of girl, but I'm just having a hard time this week. I really thought that waiting through the holiday season would be good because we all know that the holiday's fly by. In actuality though, all I can constantly think of during the family gatherings and parties is that Ana should be here. As wonderful as my family is, I somehow feel incomplete this year, why do I feel guilty about that? I'm excited for Christmas, but there's a piece of me that aches.

Oh, and if you are wondering about our countdown, Uncle Eddie's arrival has taken precedence over the activities this week. Ian has been spending a lot of time with his uncle and Mimi and that's just fine with me (except for all the wonderful things uncles can teach a six year old, we'll have to do deprogramming after he leaves! All of a sudden your poems aren't so bad anymore Sharon!) . Never the less, I'm so glad he has such strong relationships with his family, that's what life's all about!