Favorite Photo Friday is back!

M is for Miracle...

So....
I had the blood work done on Wednesday, and talked to the nurse yesterday. The level had gone up to somewhere in the 15,000's which seems to be a good result. The doctor wanted me to come in for an early ultrasound though and got me an appointment this afternoon! I was excited that we would get to know for sure whether or not there was indeed a baby in there, but pretty anxious as you can imagine. The technician put the wand on my belly, and we couldn't see much. She said, "Well, there's the gestational sac, but I'm going to have to do a transvaginal ultrasound to see things better." I said, "There's a gestational sac?! That's good news, right?" She confirmed that it was indeed a good sign, and I hurried to empty my bladder so we could continue. So she's looking around, and I'm thinking I'm seeing something, but it's pretty grainy. Then I see that flicker; if you've seen it, you know what I'm talking about....I gasped and said "Oh my God, is that a heart beating?" She took a few moments to confirm, and I instantly started to panic that maybe I hadn't seen what I thought I did, and she was trying to figure out how to tell me. But, she soon said, "Yup, that's a beating heart, I was just trying to get a better picture of it." I started to cry, and blabber my life story to this poor woman, who probably thought I was crazy. She said that the heart rate is about 120 beats per minute which is good for a 6 week embryo. I'm measuring at 6 weeks and 1 day, and my due date according to the ultrasound is October 22nd. I'm still in awe, but I believe it now...I'm pregnant!

Disbelief

First of all, I want to thank everyone for your kind words and well wishes. I think I'm still in a little bit of shock honestly! We found out last Friday, I just took a random pregnancy test; don't know why, just passed the display, and decided to pick one up! When I did the test at home, the first thought through my mind was, "stupid cheapie Wal-Mart pregnancy tests!", even though I knew it was doubtful it was a false positive. Anyways, to make a long story short, I ended up taking two more different brand tests over the weekend, and got the same result so I called the doctor. I went in for bloodwork on Monday and Wednesday to see if my HCG levels were doubling as they should be in a normal pregnancy, and to my complete amazement, the bloodwork looked good!

This is so strange for me. Infertility and miscarriage plays with your mind in so many ways. I feel like I'm still waiting for the other shoe to drop because in my mind, my body is broken in it's compatibility with conception; and even a positive pregnancy test isn't confirmation because the last time I got pregnant, it ended in miscarriage (we think it was an ectopic actually, to further my disbelief that my body can actually get things in the right place). At any rate, I'm choosing to have a cautiously optimistic outlook about this. Don't get me wrong, I am thrilled beyond belief at this possibility, I just can't shake the fear yet. I don't think I will be in full belief until I see or hear that little heart beating inside me.

So, I have another blood draw on Wednesday, we'll see what that tells us. They believe I'm about 5-6 weeks along at this point, and I am having a few symptoms such as a little fatigue, and my breasts are pretty sore so that's a good sign I think. I don't remember feeling any nausea with Ian until I was about 7 or 8 weeks, so we're holding out for it (is it bad to be looking forward to that?). I know that whatever happens, it's part of God's plan. I have felt in my heart for a while now though, even though I was afraid to admit it that there was another birthed child in our future. I will also admit that I believe there is another child not birthed by us out there that is meant for our family. Only time will tell...

"What'choo talkin' 'bout, Willis?"

The Yes Game...

Well, the catch up has to take a back seat for now. The drive where my pictures are stored is not working, and to be completely honest, I'm freaking out about it. Greg says the information should be fine, and should be able to be recovered, but it doesn't make me feel any better. I know he has up to about June of last year backed up, but even from July to now would be a killer! That's Ana's first birthday and camping trip, Ian's birthday, Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas, oh I don't even want to think about it! So I won't... Let's have a laugh, shall we? It's time for "Conversations with Ana". She answers yes to everything (Well, everything that is not about bedtime, or nap time, that is), and it has become a bit of a game for us. Anyways, this is how a typical "game" goes.

"Ana, do you love mummy?"
"Yesss"

"Ana, do you love daddy"
"Yesss"

"Ana, do you love brother"
"Yesss"

"Ana, do you love Milo"
"Yaaahhhh"

"Ana, do you love squirrels"
"Yessssss"

"Ana, do you love turkey gizzards?"
"Yesss"

"Ana, does Ian wear dresses?'
"Yaaahhh"

"Ana, does daddy wear makeup?"
"Yaaaaaahhhhh"

"Ana, is daddy stinky?"
"Yessssss"

"Ana, do you want to go nu-night?"
to which we get a sassy face and a whine. Ahhh, the attitude!