Remembering Bumpa

Dear Ian, Liliana, and Cooper,

This is hard stuff. I'm writing to you because you have lost a very important man in your life. It's been a month since your Bumpa died and I've been trying to write this ever since then. Ian, I know you have good memories of your Bumpa; you are almost 9 years old and I know this has been especially hard on you. I am so proud of the way you have handled yourself like such a little man through this all. I am proud of how you have talked about your feelings with mum and dad, and even let yourself cry a little; about how you bravely sat at the side of Bumpa's casket numerous times during the wake, no doubt processing what it all meant; how you decided that the flowers from yourself, your sister and brother needed to be placed on your Bumpa's heart before closing his casket and not only did you ask the funeral director yourself if that could be done, but lovingly placed the flowers there yourself, and how seriously you took your role as honorary pall bearer at Bumpa's funeral. You are not always the best at sharing how you are feeling, but it was evident to everyone present that day that you loved and respected your Bumpa very much and for that I am very proud.

You were Bumpa's first grandchild Ian, and I'm certain you reserved a special place in his heart. You loved it when Bumpa would get down on the floor with you and blow raspberries on your belly. I loved that too; he did that with all three of you, and I remember thinking how funny it was to see this man with such a crunchy exterior cooing and ga ga-ing over you guys in a high pitched voice you would never expect to come out of him. He couldn't wait until you were old enough to give treats to. It started when you were about 5 months with, "Can I give him a little piece of cracker?"; to which Mimi would incredulously reply, "Ed! He can't have that!!". Mommy agreed with Mimi, sorry bud. But as soon as he found out you could have treats, you better believe he was at the door just about every Saturday. It started with bottles of chocolate milk and small bags of Ritz Bits peanut butter crackers. Honestly, I'm pretty sure he chose those items because, well you know how first time moms can be, but milk and peanut butter, could mom really deny you that?! You were the first to spoil; and boy did he love to do that!

By the time Ana came along, Bumpa caught on that mummy was a little more relaxed and she knew that you weren't going to wither away by being treated on the weekends so his visits would bring one of a few usual suspects; ice cream sandwiches (always the neapolitan kind), devil dogs, Hostess Donettes (you know, those waxy chocolate covered "donuts" that you guys LOVE!), ding dongs, Market Basket brand chewy chocolate chip cookies, or the most recent addition after finding out Ana's love for it, popcorn. These things will always remind me of your Bumpa.

Liliana, you have handled this I guess like any 3 year old would. We were torn whether to bring you to the wake and funeral, but I do think it was good for you and has helped you understand a little more than you otherwise would have. We were a little concerned when you asked a couple times at the wake for Bumpa to "wake up" but when we explained that Bumpa's body didn't work anymore, I think on some level you got it. At the funeral, you asked to see Bumpa a few times and as they wheeled the casket out you wanted to "go with Bumpa", so I'm sure you knew that even though you didn't see the casket close, you knew that's where Bumpa was. When you went with Mimi back to the cemetery a couple days after the burial, I'm told you did ask where Bumpa went. When Mimi told you that Bumpa was under the flowers you responded with a very literal 3 year old response of "Well, he's gonna get all messy under there!" I do think your presence through all of this added some levity and like to think that it helped especially your Mimi, Daddy and Uncles. I'm certain you don't fully understand all that has happened, which was made clear to me a couple nights ago when you asked if Bumpa was done dying yet so we could bring him chocolate in the hospital and make him feel better. I explained to you again that we wouldn't be able to see Bumpa again and you got a sad face and said, "Oh...dat sad". It is so sad my sweet girl. Liliana, Bumpa really loved having a grand-daughter! I'm told that he always wanted a daughter, and you could tell by the way he looked at you that he thoroughly enjoyed watching you and your girl-y ways. "Ahh-na", he would say, (again in that high pitched Bumpa voice) "look at your pretty dress!" He would always remark on your shoes and how they never matched and were always on the wrong feet, because you do that, a lot! He loved it when you would stay with them while mummy ran errands or had appointments because he was very proud of the fact that he was the only one you would cuddle calmly enough with to fall asleep next to him on the couch. Thank goodness Mimi even caught this on film a couple times. You were definitely his special princess!

Cooper, I'm especially sad for you. You are so young, and your memories will be based in the pictures and stories we will share with you. That's a big reason this was so important to me to get down on "paper". The day you were born, Bumpa had to have a procedure done and he was not happy about it! You better believe though that he was the first visitor bright and early (your Bumpa was ALWAYS bright and early!) the next morning so he could give you an extra squeeze! I'm sad that you didn't get to experience the weekend Bumpa treats like your brother and sister did since it really was something that made your Bumpa especially happy to do. This was not due to his lack of trying though!! I think you were about 3 months when he first tried to give you a cookie crumb to which your Mimi exclaimed, just like she did years ago with your brother, "Ed! He can't have that!!" Cooper, your Bumpa was quite taken with you and how much you look like your daddy; "Spittin' image of Greg", he would say every time he saw you. He loved what an easy baby you are! When you were teenie, he would come over and pull you out of the swing (whether you were sleeping or not) to give you a cuddle; you would sit with him and he would remark, "Such a happy baby!". You loved it when he would pretend to gobble up your chubby little fists, making that chomping noise that only Bumpa could make as you would reach out to him for more. You also loved when Bumpa would get down on the floor with you just like with your brother and sister; no matter how much I'm sure his legs were hurting, he got right down with you on the floor and blew raspberries on your belly too! You certainly were special to your Bumpa!

All in all, I think Sharon summed up your Bumpa the best when she said that he was a lot like a toasted marshmallow; kind of crusty and crunchy on the outside but all gooey and smooshy on the inside. That gooey goodness oozed out whenever he was around you kids. He loved you all with every ounce of that tired heart of his and that's what I want you to remember the most; how much he really loved being your Bumpa.